These last two weeks have been all about pushing the reset button on life.
First came the Urbana missions conference. I went hoping to spend some good time with the Lord, and I did. Studying God's word, his work in the world, and worshiping Him for 10 hours a day for four days was exactly what my soul needed. The Lord used my time at Urbana to refresh my spirit and heal some wounded places of pain in my soul, as well as give me a renewed faith in his deep personal love and awesome power to change lives. Wow!!
While at Urbana, I was also very encouraged to stick with my job by the story of Jesus speaking with the woman at the well in John ch 4. The interaction is one of barriers--racial, social, religious, and just plain hostile--that the woman throws up against Jesus, but he gracefully and lovingly slides underneath every verbal barb she throws at him and draws her to Himself. Very powerful, and my morning prayer is now for Jesus to give me the grace to respond to those who throw up racial, social, religious, or just plain hostile barriers with the same grace and love as He showed that woman.
Then I came back to school, and have found refreshment there too. My classes are about five people smaller per class than last semester, which makes an ENORMOUS difference, and the mixtures are totally different. While I hated starting over in so many relationships, it is nice to have a fresh start at the same time, but this time with some kids in each class who already know my ways, know what class is like, and are ON MY SIDE rather than having to win them all over at once.
It's nice to see how much I've learned the last four months. While there are still frustrations and challenges this semester, there is no comparison with last semester.
Here are some things I am particularly thankful for this semester:
1. Already knowing the electronic systems well-gradebook, email, etc. that make the minutiae of the daily routine much less stressful, allowing me to focus more on solving other bigger problems.
2. Already knowing some names in each class--I have a lot of names to learn still, but even knowing some names from the start is a huge asset.
3. Not as much culture shock anymore--the style of clothing, way of communicating, display of public affection, no longer send me into culture shock spasms as I'm out doing hall duty each passing period.
The only thing that's been particularly hard this semester has been the withdrawals. About four or five names on the long "withdrawal" lists are people that I put so much energy, prayer, and effort into, and not knowing what is going to happen to them hurts my heart. The seniors who withdrew with one semester to go. The girl who had no family support who withdrew after who knows what happened. That one kid who came by every Tuesday and Thursday to get help without fail who suddenly got into some sort of trouble just at the end of last semester and withdrew. What will become of these kids? The deck is already stacked against them, and whatever will they do without a high school education? Or will they get one somewhere else? The worst part is just not knowing anything at all. All I know is that a few of them have joined my "permanent prayer list" and the heartbreak of those lists hurts. I'm sure last semester many of the names were like that, but they were meaningless to me as I did not know the kids.
As I have pushed that reset button these last two weeks, one of my thoughts is that I need to quit talking about school so much when I'm not there, and quit making it the center of my life. So hopefully I can begin doing that, even in this blog. At the same time, it encourages me to go back and read how the Lord has been faithful every step of the way. Hopefully you are encouraged as well.
