Tension reached the boiling point today. Fistfights yesterday led to tension and fear today, with everyone sure they were going to get jumped/beaten up because of the color of their skin. All the racial tension that constantly simmers popped to the surface. Rumors were flying. High schoolers thrive on rumors and excitement, and today that was just exaggerated. Rumors of weapons, stabbings, violence, very exciting to teenagers, making for an extremely tense day as everyone held their breath to see what would happen. How right James is when he says that the tongue is a fire, full of deadly poison.
Nothing did happen beyond the ordinary, as far as I know, despite all the rumors. Except for the sudden almost-fight in my classroom. One student was impatiently waiting for my attention, which I couldn't give to him 100% due to trying to take attendance (difficult when many students had been removed by their parents) and settle down my (very immature) class. Another student told him to pipe down, and next thing I knew they were standing up facing off to each other. I jumped in the middle, tried (and failed) to calm things down. I was afraid to move from between them to get to my phone to call the dean for help/backup. But eventually I did that after neither of them would back down. My amazing awesome colleagues came and helped me out, too, once it got out into the hallway that I needed help.
After all this drama, added to the already super tense day, I had a mini meltdown. I then pulled myself together, came back, put my classes "on silent" as they said in elementary school. No one talking. We took the quiz. Learned about ir + a + infinitive. Then the BDTV broadcast came on. Part of it was an advertisement of why it's not worth it to fight it out (obviously made a few days ago) which felt ironic to be calmly sitting there watching. None of the students said anything. I wonder what they were all thinking.
The thing I hated most was that I couldn't preach truth. At Heritage when big stuff happened I could open God's Word with my classes and we could reflect about what God had to say about the situation. We could pray out loud about it. I couldn't do that today. It's weird to me that there's not going to be a special chapel about all this. No community discussion. Just the rumors and text messages. Obviously with 3500 kids a community meeting is impossible. But I miss that chance to really discuss the heart of things. To seek out the deeper truths and learn.
To be honest, I didn't pray almost at all today. I let the stress in the air get to me. I failed to trust, failed to pray for God's miraculous peace. Failed to call to mind God's promises to his children, and the rest and security that He offers, what he has to say about violence.
I hope I didn't screw up my witness forever at school. As I let that same old sin of fear get the best of me at a few moments today. As I yelled at my whole ninth period class to shut up after one kid let out another offensive racial comment (right after I'd broken up that fight). As I was a witch in my tenth period class, putting them on silent too, even though they'd had nothing to do with the events of the class before. I just couldn't have any more talking, rumors, gossip, fueling the fire.
One more week till spring break. Pray for the kids of Ben Davis, that God's peace and justice would find them and transform that place, that Christ's light would break into their lives.
