This challenging school year concludes in two days, so I am going to do the same thing I make my students do at the end of class: summarize what I have learned.
I've begun to realize that perhaps this year wasn't about reaching others, perhaps it was lessons I myself needed to learn from others. Lessons like:
1. Humility. I'm not everyone's favorite teacher, even at the end of the year. My classes still don't run as smoothly as they should in my head. I still have unengaged students, failing students, and haven't found any way to fix this. Forced to contemplate so much personal failure this year, having failing/unengaged students, falling so far short of my own expectations, has definitely beat some humility into this thick head.
2. Strength. I've toughened up a lot this year. Not as much fazes me. While I still have my freakout sessions, I am more able to be calm and in control when things feel out of control.
3. Prayer. I've learned a lot about prayer, desperate prayer, this year. I've also had to do my own praying a lot more. While so many people have lifted me up in prayer, I don't pray with people or out loud nearly as frequently, and have had to learn some discipline to do my own praying. I think my prayer life has been strengthened by this as well as my much deeper appreciation for when i do get to pray out loud, or get to listen to others pray.
4. Reliance. I have to rely on the Lord, since he's the only one there for me! He has never let me down. He is my strength, my shield, my deliverer, my mighty warrior who is with me always, and all this has been made increasingly real to me this year.
5. Brokenness. My heart is broken every day by the anguish caused by sin I see in the lives of those around me, but this brokenness reflects the world we live in, and also breaks the heart of the Shepherd who gave up his life to save the sheep.
Even if I haven't been vocally able to share about the Lord with others this year, God has used this difficult year to grow and deepen my faith and my walk, which has made it worth it.
Stay tuned for my prayer post on upcoming summer plans.
