My "single awareness" month is off to a great start with four days off this week due to weather! But it is February, and I am asking the Father for gr@ce this month. The hardest times to be single I think are December 31, February 14, and any time you have to go to a wedding by yourself. So in honor of all of those occasions, I want to send a gentle reminder to everyone about what being single does NOT necessarily mean that people sometimes assume it does, and some things it DOES mean as a reminder to myself.
*Being single does NOT mean I don't have a family. I have parents, a brother, cousins, etc., all of whom I care about very much and are a very real family. I don't have dependents, but I definitely have a family I am emotionally tied to and responsible to love and care for.
*Being single does not necessarily mean I have an extraordinary amount of free time. I work full time to support myself, and then have to go and do a lot just to meet my companionship/fellowship needs, which don't get met at home because it's just me when I come home. Often this doesn't necessarily leave me with this huge amount of free time. I do have some, and not having kids helps, but I am not necessarily free to do extra work.
* Being single doesn't mean I'm an incomplete person. Our society has this lie that you have to be with another person in a romantic relationship to be complete (see the classic line "You complete me") but this is a lie. A relationship with Chr!$t fulfills me, not a romantic relationship. Those are just a dim reflection of the reality of our life with Chr!$t. I'm not perfect in my relationship with Chr!$t and therefore feel unfulfilled, but it's not because I'm single, it's because I'm sinful.
*Being single doesn't mean I don't have emotional needs. I still need intimacy, I just find the relational intimacy my soul was created for in different ways. My friendships need to be a bit deeper, and I have a greater need to maintain them.
* Being single is a mix of having to be more independent and more dependent all at the same time. I have to be strong enough to be independent and go places and do things on my own--drive through the snow to get groceries, go to school events by myself, or go to weddings by myself. But it also makes me depend on a network of people: to help me with my car (my dad helps me so much!!) with hanging pictures, come over if I'm in need of a human to talk to, etc.
*Being single doesn't necessarily mean I want you to set me up with just anyone, but nor does it mean I have cut off all hope. But please don't tell me, "oh, you'll meet the right one someday" because you don't know that and most of the time that sentiment discourages me more than it encourages me. Plus I just don't know how to respond to that statement (except some days by weeping, which neither of us wants!)
*Being single does mean I have a lot of decision making power. Most of the time I like this, because I do like control. I can up and move (like to China or something) at any time. I can decide how much to give away and always know where my money comes from and where it goes. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of all these decisions and wish I could share it with someone, but having the power to do all these things when I feel led is really great a lot of the time.
*Being single glaringly draws my attention to my need for Him. When I am alone at night, in the afternoon, in the car, it draws my eyes up to Him because HE is the only one I can truly turn to. Sometimes I think the point of my singleness is to draw me closer to Himself, and if that's how it works, being single, even with all its pain and loneliness is worth it.
Oh, and PS you may have noticed I am already using communication guidelines in my blog posts to help me get ready for China, so hopefully you are learning to read between the lines with me. :)
