I went to the Three Self on Sunday. It starts at 9am, so I have to get on the bus at 8:15 or so. I had been two weeks ago with a friend, but she lives far away and it's tricky to coordinate getting on the bus she's already on, so I hopped on the bus on my own and made my way there. An usher kindly helped me squeeze into the crowded pew in the front section so I could pay good attention. I enjoyed the service, understanding some of the songs and a word here or there in the message.
As the service let out, I found that I actually knew a lot of people in the crowd, but in the rush to get a seat I hadn't seen them. Afterwards we stood around, greeting each other, and they asked me a question that I get asked a lot in China: 你自己吗？ Are you on your own/by yourself?
I've been asked that question before, and it's a cultural point that always reminds me how great the distance is between American and Chinese culture. In America if you don't see someone with me, you assume I'm by myself and don't mention it: maybe if you see me before you invite me to sit with you, but you don't ask me straight out if I came alone.
I find that this question awkward, because after ten years of living the single life I've gone to a ton of stuff on my own and I'm used to doing things "ziji". If I don't just get up and go, if I wait to always have someone to go with, I feel like I'll never go anywhere or do anything.
Chinese people ask the question with a bit of astonishment and concern in their voices, which makes me a bit defensive when I'm asked the question. For some reason, this time the question has stuck in my mind and made me reflect a bit more.
I know I'm too independent, and need to depend more. I know that bringing people along, not doing things by yourself, is a good way to mentor people. Should I have been bringing people along with me? At the same time I'm stung by the fact that I don't verbally recognize in those situations the truth that I am never alone, the Great One always accompanies me. His graciousness has called me to this life, and His presence allows me to have the strength I need to find fellowship.
I also wanted to respond (but don't yet have the language to) that of all places, that one was where I am least alone. I was smashed in with fellow brothers and sisters, all for a common purpose, united in our common Love and Core of our beings.
So I'm thankful for the question, and the ways it has made me reflect. Perhaps next time I'll have the language and the better response to respond more thoroughly and proclaim the truth that I am never left alone, the Great One always comes with me.
As the service let out, I found that I actually knew a lot of people in the crowd, but in the rush to get a seat I hadn't seen them. Afterwards we stood around, greeting each other, and they asked me a question that I get asked a lot in China: 你自己吗？ Are you on your own/by yourself?
I've been asked that question before, and it's a cultural point that always reminds me how great the distance is between American and Chinese culture. In America if you don't see someone with me, you assume I'm by myself and don't mention it: maybe if you see me before you invite me to sit with you, but you don't ask me straight out if I came alone.
I find that this question awkward, because after ten years of living the single life I've gone to a ton of stuff on my own and I'm used to doing things "ziji". If I don't just get up and go, if I wait to always have someone to go with, I feel like I'll never go anywhere or do anything.
Chinese people ask the question with a bit of astonishment and concern in their voices, which makes me a bit defensive when I'm asked the question. For some reason, this time the question has stuck in my mind and made me reflect a bit more.
I know I'm too independent, and need to depend more. I know that bringing people along, not doing things by yourself, is a good way to mentor people. Should I have been bringing people along with me? At the same time I'm stung by the fact that I don't verbally recognize in those situations the truth that I am never alone, the Great One always accompanies me. His graciousness has called me to this life, and His presence allows me to have the strength I need to find fellowship.
I also wanted to respond (but don't yet have the language to) that of all places, that one was where I am least alone. I was smashed in with fellow brothers and sisters, all for a common purpose, united in our common Love and Core of our beings.
So I'm thankful for the question, and the ways it has made me reflect. Perhaps next time I'll have the language and the better response to respond more thoroughly and proclaim the truth that I am never left alone, the Great One always comes with me.
