Today when school was over, I stepped out of the long, dark, stressful hallway and the sun was shining. I stopped and took a deep breath of relief as for the first time in months I enjoyed warm sunshine. Sometimes I take that deep breath spiritually too. Look up John 1:16. We don't often memorize this saying, but perhaps we should. I discovered it in Spanish, just loving the cadence of "de su plenitud tomamos todos, y gracia sobre gracia." I like that "gracia sobre gracia" part the best. The word image of grace stacking up on top of grace just brings joy to my soul, feeling much the same way as that deep breath after school did today for my body and emotions.
I'm seeing now those graces stacking up. They're always there, just sometimes the clouds of ignorance or uncertainty hide them, just like some clouds hide the sun on a gloomy day. We've had plenty of gloomy days here in early March as always, but today the sun burst forth and we got our first taste of spring. In a similar way today, I'm seeing the piled-up graces spill out today as the Wind that blows wherever He wants pushes aside the clouds of darkness in my heart.
Here are some of the blessings I'm seeing:
My friend Kandice rejoicing in heaven, healed! Her birthday is tomorrow, and I'm going to take the day and do things she always enjoyed doing (not hard since she could make doing laundry fun) and being thankful for my friendship with her. Oh there's so much I wish I could tell her, so much more to do together, but I rejoice that I will be able to spend eternity with J.s-s and my friend Kandice because of what J.s-s sacrificed one Friday and what the Father did on that splendid Sunday. He has healed so much of my grief as well in so many amazing ways.
Even after Kandice went to heaven, the Father didn't let me go or let me shrink. My first instinct when losing a friend is to shut down, turn off all relationships, go inward, but He in his mercy didn't have me do that. He surrounded me with so much amazing community right when Kandice went that I never had a chance to feel lonely, just the opposite!! Then Lizzie came and lived with me from September to early November, just when I needed a solid friend, and also used her in part in my journey towards Asia.
Speaking of Asia, getting to go to Asia, seeing Him finally answer my longtime dream and call to live overseas, is a blessing itself. I'm still so excited to finally be getting to go after waiting so long! That's an excitement that has not diminished one iota, even as I've had to work hard toward the goal and really consider too what I'm leaving: but the excitement and passion remains! What a gift!!
Not only did Father not let my heart shrink in the months just after Kandice left, he's expanded it even further since January as I've begun to share my stories of His faithfulness in this journey toward Asia he's taken me on. I'm trying to meet with as many people as possible to share stories about China and why I'm going, which means that at least twice a week out of my mouth are coming the words about how faithful He has been and reminding myself of my call and His faithfulness.
And then there's His perfect sense of timing. Why do I try so hard to map out my own life and not just trust Him? He's got the best plan anyway! I've seen that in a really clear light since late last week: more on that later. Even at school I'm seeing blessings from being at Ben Davis that I would not have seen or had the opportunity to participate in if I had not stayed on for this year.
I know I can't ride this mountaintop of sunshine forever. I don't know what tomorrow is going to be like. But I had to stop and bless His name today by enumerating his blessings stacked one on top of the other while I have the chance. "Blessed be your name when the sun's shining down on me/when the world's all as it should be/blessed be your name/every blessing you pour out I'll/turn back to pra!se/though the darkness closes in Lord/still I will say..."
I give Father thanks for the blessings he's pouring out, and ask that He keep helping me thanking him, no matter what the weather's like.
