One thought-provoking moment from Nicaragua that still has me thinking was the Wednesday service we had. The people who had been immersed in water the previous Sunday had a reception ceremony, and we presented them with certificates and a new copy of the Book, then Communion all together. Very nice. But there was a part of the service that made me uncomfortable. The pstr had all the "gringos" come up to the front while they did a special song, which turned out to be the Spanish version of Ray Boltz' "Thank you, for giving..." which they acted out for us, the pstr lip-synching and dramatically gesturing through the whole thing. Then in the song, when the people start coming up to the main character, those who had been immersed came up and hugged each one of us, followed eventually by everyone in the building. It became a huge hug mosh-pit, everyone was crying, and it was one of the most emotional send-offs I've had there.
The emotions were genuine. Deep friendships had been formed, even in just a few days. We were very sorry to have to leave, and the Nicaraguans were sorry to see us go. The gesture was very appreciated.
But at the same time, I felt unworthy. Especially when the nine new members were hugging us: we really hadn't done much for them except show up at this important moment. We hadn't put in the preparation, the diligence, that others in that fellowship had. I didn't like that we got the first hugs, rather than those who had locally been the ones on the ground, doing the work. Yes, College Park has enabled and helped that fellowship to continue, and perhaps they were being thankful by proxy. But it felt weird, being on the receiving end of gratitude for an event that I actually had very little to do with.
I'm getting ready for a month of send offs here in the States, and some of this same feeling of unworthiness persists. Don't get me wrong: I'm so inexpressibly thankful for the love and people lifting me up to Father. But what I'm heading out to do isn't extraordinary, its what all followers should be doing every minute: building relationships, and in the context of those relationships seeking to share the Center of life, discuss our favorite Book, and seek Him together.
I'm also afraid all this attention will go to my head. The Counselor set me straight on Sunday, letting me know that I had been starting to make going to China about me, fulfilling my purpose, rather than just being one piece on the Father's chessboard of restoration. I had to ask forgiveness and get my center lined up correctly again!!
So in this next month, with send-offs and farewells, let's focus on our purpose: to spread the knowledge of Him, and remember that it's all of us. Let's all lift each other up as each of us labors, and let's not forget the Center of what we do: not us fulfilling our purpose, but working together to fulfill His plan.
