Last July, I hung out with Kandice the whole fourth of July weekend. It was one of the very few times that cancer had very little to do with our hangout time. Most of the time we hung out because she was in Indy for a treatment, or something, but this time, although cancer came up, it was not a focal point of why we were together. We were just hanging out. While we were there, Kandice took me on a ride on her beloved new scooter and then let me ride the scooter some on my own. On this evening, the first anniversary of the evening Kandice went Home to Him, I am thinking about her and what an apt metaphor that scooter ride was.
You see, I'm in Colorado preparing to move to China. Kandice herself told me that same fourth of July weekend when I was discussing the possibility of going to visit a friend in China the following summer, "Oh, you HAVE to go to China." Well, perhaps she was prophesying, because a year later I'm four days away from going there! Kandice infected me with a love for Asia. In the metaphor of the scooter--she showed me how cool it was, took me for a quick ride, and gave me the necessary push to begin the process of doing it on my own.
At training even I've been reminded of her. Yesterday at morning meeting the president read that Puritan writing we read at Kandice's memorial service. We talk about China, Cambodia, and Thailand all day long, and I'm going to go to those places, and every single time I hear those names I still think how much she loved those places. How I miss Kandice in this. But community is a beautiful thing. Just as He surrounded me so totally with such wonderful community last year, however, I am equally surrounded by wonderful community now, increased by so much. But still, I miss Kandice's voice, her passion, her wisdom, her penetrating way of summing things up perfectly in a few words, her sense of humor, and her friendship. I don't want her back suffering, but I miss her.
Yet Kandice left me with two amazing gifts: an awareness of Asia (along with a heart for it) and a trust in His sovereignty. Even as her own dreams were shattered, she kept trusting. Read an expression of her trust even in the midst of that loss here. At this stage in life, as I am watching all the pieces come together for myself, I see how strongly I've been shaped by those two great gifts Kandice left me. I look forward to someday seeing her again and having one of our amazing conversations where I can actually talk with her about all these gifts she's given me, all the ways she's impacted me (and hopefully even China) beyond what she ever even knew or imagined.
Are you trusting? Are you being faithful to what He has called you to do? Will you keep trusting Him even if your dreams are destroyed or changed? If you are willing to trust Him and His path, you can also have an impact far beyond what you can see. Keep trusting!
